mywastedyrs

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LJ Interests meme results

80's dancing:
I used to adore 80's dancing, it was my every tuesday and thursday activity without fail. Then I realized how few of the people there were genuine, and how disguisting I always felt leaving the place. I would kill to go 80's dancing again somewhere with just a few close friends and a room full of strangers though.
being a social recluse:
This is typically accompanied with sobriety. I'm kind of enjoying my slowed down social life, and my geriatric-esque boyfriend quite a bit right now though.
billy idol:
Probably the only really old guy I'd ever fuck. (wait, henry rollins too.) As far as I'm concerned, the only mistake the man ever made in his life was mony mony. Other than that, he's my karaoke, and rock and roll inspiration
masuimi max:
This bitch is gorgeous. All goes back to the week I thought I was a lesbian...

Anyway, I've always wished I was asian, and if I was, I'd be this.
phillip seymour hoffman:
In my desperate attempts to be cool, I had to mention some random b list celebrity that no one has heard of, but that has had some of the most amazing roles in some of the best movies I've ever seen.

plus his voice always kind of reminded me of Bowie when he says "just you shut your mouth"
radiohead:
Thom yorke is the closest person to deity I will ever know. I'm just one of those nerds that feels like I have a total connection with this band. They have musically gone through all the transitions that I feel like I've emotionally gone through in my life, at the same time. I guess they are kind of just like the timeline to my maturation.

That, and they are the most amazing compliment to a rainy day I've ever known.
reading:
god dammit I miss having the time to read! There's nothing more relaxing and balancing to me than to curl up by a fireplace on a cold day and read an entire book.
sex:
Yeah, I'll say it, I like it a lot.

I think I've grown up a bit though, because now that it actually means something with someone, I don't need it every five seconds.
utah :
The shittiest, drunkiest tattoo that currently resides on my left inner ankle.

Thanks jagermeister, thanks kiesha
Vancouver :
If you get me drunk enough, I will lie and say I'm canadian.

The truth is, I have never felt more at home than in our little one bedroom apartment on 20th and Oak.

Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.

	Sep. 22nd, 2005 @ 12:51 pm

So I guess I'm finally 21. I'm supposed to be an adult now, I don't think it's happening.

It's always very weird when you accomplish things you have been anticipating for years and years, expecting that one day to be the pinnacle of your life.... I didn't even feel like going out.

I bought my first legal bottle of wine for Sheena and her mom, and took it down to their house. There is absolutely no way I would ever be that together if I were experiencing what she is. Sheena looked gorgeous, but you could see the pain in her eyes. It made me want to cry, and eventually...it made me let go and cry.

I called my dad bawling to tell him how much I love him, and requested that he never die.

I got a little perspective talking to someone who's opinion I value dearly. I was mentioning my great fear of death, and pondering why it seemed like the thing I was more terrified of than anything else in my life was the one thing I've experienced so much of.

He told me that one of the negative aspects of having so many people that I care about, is that there is always going to be someone I love who is experiencing pain.

I later realized that Side B to this is that I will always have people to help me deal with my pain.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is how much I love everyone in my life, and that I think I'm pretty damn fortunate to have all of you.

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because you want it.	Sep. 13th, 2005 @ 12:55 pm

1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.

2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.

3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.

4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
(This possibly will not apply to all).

5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.

6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.

7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.

8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.

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Other entries

» (No Subject)

Some random internet quiz just told me I should marry orlando bloom. I guess I'm up for it.

It's been quite some time since I've written in this, and a lot has happened. But as always, I'm just going to most likely summarize and be very vague about relevant details, and the winning stories worth commenting on will probably be the ones involving the most alcohol.

I just got back from Kentucky, it was one of my best spontaneous trips to date. I had to wake up at 4 am to catch my flight, so it started the day off in kind of a spacey mood. My flight was spent surrounded by yelling and crying children, I debated going to the bathroom to once again punch myself in the ovaries, but decided against it, as I was already feeling rather uncomfortable in that region. As I approached the baggage claim Johnny held up a sign that read "girl trouble."
While that was obscenely inaccurate, I ran to greet my favorite furry smart ass.

This weekend was officially the first extended date I have had such a good time on. Typically, I tire of people quite quickly when spending so much time with them, and I get annoyed even more easily. Also, in my mind, I start criticizing, and holding their lack of intelligence against them. As though it's their fault that I'm probably never going to be capable of tolerating the same person for the rest of my life.

The weekend was pretty low key, I spent far too much at Urban Outfitters, went to the same vintage store (that was always closed) 4 times, and smoked at least 7 packs during the weekend. We sat around drinking and smoking (I did) a lot. The new shit Johnny is writing is fucking genius! He's got the dream team of blues playing for him. For the most part, I sat back watching their sessions in awe, and complete enjoyment. I played groupie and got drunk with the other girlfriends, punched the shit out of a boxing set for about two hours, and danced until I was sweating profusely with a bunch of people that were my parents age in a silk boxing robe. Then I went downstairs and watched Johnny jam with an 80 year old kris kringle resemblant bearing his open chest with an open shirt and an evident affinity for marijuanna. FUCKING FANTASTIC! I will return, Kentucky!

The monday I came home (July 25th) was, I guess a holiday, as Utah cannot celebrate pioneer day on the sabbath. And why would we celebrate holidays on their actual date, really? Since our house is about a half a block from the park, and the inbred miscrients were a little too enthusiastic about starting the fun, there was no parking available in front of our house from 11am to 12 midnight. It was awesome! The perk, however, was that we could enjoy making fun of the carnies from the comfort of our own porch. Kiesha and I started drinking jagger around noon or one, and shortly after began discussing the lamest tattoo options available to us. We landed on the decision to get the outline of utah with a red star. This currently resides on my left inner ankle, and it's fantastic! (I had pictures, but they are lost and gone forever--more on that when we get to yesterday's news)

Anyway, the rest of the week was pretty uneventful, I reaquainted myself with my lost love direct tv and hung out with my puppy. I also, obsessively read the "fast food of literature" Harry Potter. Friday night Johnna randomly called me, and we headed to the ex wives. Pretty much every person I've been missing or wanting to casually run into and get drunk with was there. Hiram, Sean that moved to san fransisco, richard, amber, stoner dave, stoner mike, mike abu, em, bernie, hadley, laZor, and plenty of random bitches to make fun of. I drank a lot, and it was probably one of the best nights at the wives ever. We decided to go to Denny's to get drunk food, and were acosted by about 100 goths outside. It was, officially, the worst day for fashion EVER! I was too drunk to throw pennies, but word is, it happened. After waiting for about 45 minutes, and all of us crashing out cuddling on the front grass of denny's, we decided to leave about 5 minutes before our name was called.

I don't remember what I did saturday, which is probably closely related to the amount of alcohol consumed and the recovery process re: Friday.

but....HAPPY 21ST SARAH JANE!!!

sunday is to be skipped as it was rather insignificant.

Yesterday, however, I was stressing out because of the intense deadline I have on the first monday of every month. I wasn't going to take a lunch because I had no time. Chris called me around 2:45 and informed me that our house had been broken into through my bedroom, but didn't know what was missing.

I pretty much had a panic attack on the way home as I still owe $800 on my laptop, and it was sitting in a fairly visible area. Anyway, I got home and found out that my ibook, my digital camera, my normal camera, as well as chris's xbox and digital camera was all missing. None of above mentioned objects are insured, of course, as I am a fucking idiot. Also, I've been searching frantically for the bra and panties that I was wearing the night before, and still haven't been able to find them, so I now have a pervert that knows where I live, that I'm in possession of perfect sized breasts, and has at least 500 pictures of me and all my friends, as well as all the personal information that was on my computer. AWESOME! I had to go back to work once the cops got there to finish up my deadline, and was back home by 5, when the crime scene investigators were leaving.

Pretty bummed out, I'm not going to lie. That was pretty much everything I have of value, and unfortunately, my entire life was on my computer. Every paper I've ever written, countless hours of music that I got rid of the cd's of....pictures I'll never get back...blah blah blah

I'm broke, and I still owe $800 and have to get a new computer in the next 2 weeks before school. We'll see how I pull that one off.

Anyway, on a plus note, all my friends and family have been fucking fantastic! My sister stopped by, and then pierre drove by on instinct just to see what I was up to....they both consoled me, and made me feel a lot better. Kyle and I went on our first official date last night ( I met him a year and a half ago at monks) He took me to trio where I had lobster, cheese tray, 2 desserts, and about a bottle of wine. It was the best meal ever! Pretty fucking sweet that he lifted my mood like that, and dealt with me being bummed out.

Not surprisingly, my mood lifted a lot after good conversation, and many glasses of wine. we went and saw yuri and riley, both of whom I adore! Dance party, water color tattoos, and lots of cigarettes....

I adore them.

special thanks/adoration to: christopher, sarah jane, kyle, kiesha, pierre, riley, yuri, patti, my sister, my parents, my boss, and my puppy precious.
Aug. 2nd, 2005 @ 10:40 am

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» Lindsay Robin Free

Exactly one year ago my world came crashing down.

I miss her so much, and it hasn't gotten much better with time.

Actually, the more I live without her, the more I realize just how rare it is to find a person as genuine and amazing as she was.

I miss your smile, and your laugh, and you dragging me out dancing.

I miss that you were the only person that could convince me to buy flavorless food I couldn't afford just because it was vegan.

I miss our sisterhood in being hopeless romantics, and the encouragement to do whatever it takes.

I miss questioning my heterosexuality merely because I could never fathom having the connection with a man that I had with you.

I miss strongbad mondays, and days of relentless homestar quoting.

I miss our pseudo (faux) french existance.

I miss watching you at the skate park.

I miss the excitement I felt when you had a new artpiece to share.

I miss "girlswhoboard"

I miss your book recommendations

I miss your themed (eg. SUPER DYKE BAND MIX) cd's

I miss the vespa, and desperately wish you would have kept it...
Jun. 22nd, 2005 @ 12:22 pm

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» Photobucket
This is a test post from Photobucket.com Jun. 10th, 2005 @ 02:41 pm (2 comments \| Leave a comment)

» (No Subject)

so...I was just thinking about it...

and it's officially been a year since my last serious relationship.

Which doesn't necissarily mean that I've had no offers,

Just that I've become a fucking pro at warding off potential boyfriends with my neurosis.

CONGRATULATIONS ME!

I had a pretty amusing weekend.

Friday morning I decided I would go "tanning" with sarah Jane. Everything seemed fine for the first couple hours after I got out...actually, I looked pretty fucking good. Until I sat down at work and realized how much my ass hurt. I went to the bathroom, and everywhere but my face looked like a fucking lobster.

The rest of the night I pretty much just lay around naked in my bed. We were supposed to have some huge barbeque, and I bought all this food, and everytime I got up because my nervous system was in such shock, I just started shivering uncontrollably.

Anyway, I got in the bathtub to regulate my temperature, and started having a seizure in the water. Almost drowned....it's pretty amusing two days later though. My puppy took care of me.

CHRISTOPHER FINALLY GOT HOME SATURDAY!!!

I missed that bitch soo much! It's good to have the family all back together again.

to back track...thursday I had my appt. with my new psychologist. I've always been the type to be very open about my life, and I've always been very introspective....but that session totally mind fucked me with all the things I let out that I didn't even realize I'd been harboring. All of the horrible things I see at my work...all of my failures, my grief, my denial of something pretty rough that happened to me...and I came out smiling. I'm kind of excited just to get that shit out there, and be done with it. Although, I can't pretend that I wasn't in a really weird mood all day thursday.

Anyway, Saturday I was more worthless than I've been in a while. I watched the entire season 1 of Alias, and I'm now officially addicted. Trevor called me, and reminded me that we were supposed to go on a date, so at 7 pm I finally got out of bed and showered. Some sushi, a cocktail, and 3 bottles of Sake for the two small statured "datees" and I was back in bed watching Alias. I'm pretty sure sunday was moderately worthless too.

I no called-no showed my family for sunday dinner, because I didn't feel like talking to them....
I played with my dog, and sat in aloe vera...mmmmmm....

I'm boring as fuck right now, and my writing is lacking in interest.

I did, however see VCR last night, which was fantastic, and I was pissed that only 7 or so people were there.

Got to see James...that was interesting, I guess I hung out with him all night last night.

I was an hour and twenty minutes late to work.

I haven't slept.

Happy Birthday Kelsey. 6-6-6 next year. and you'll be 27....
You've got one year to turn into a rockstar and die of a drug overdose.
but I'd prefer it if you don't.

I love kiesha, I love sarah jane, I love christopher, I love precious, I love my sister, I love my new baby nephew, I do not love my former SD, I love kelsey (K. Malone), I love Sarde (who I finally got to talk to on sunday, so my canadian accent is back, and stronger than ever) I love my boss, I love not having 7 hours of homework when I finish work, I love patti, I love picking my nose, I love ice cream,

I miss lindsay, I miss mama, and I miss Jake.
Jun. 6th, 2005 @ 05:24 pm

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» (No Subject)

I have been spending a lot of time by myself lately.

I am enjoying it immensely! I think the concept of soul mate may be slightly distorted, because i believe there is no one quite like myself to spend time with. I will always want my alone time. Actually, it's kind of frustrating to think about how much time I've wasted in my life looking for someone to spend time with, when now I'm just as happy to go home and read a book, or watch a movie, or yes....masturbait, because I'm also the greatest fuck I've ever had.

This probably sounds cynical, and jaded, but I'm actually being serious.

I think working where I do, and some of the influences that I do make my life look so fortunate, and I would look like a goddamn prick if I were to complain about my comparatively perfect situation. Yes, occasionally I realize I bitch about a bad date, or being blown off for no reason by some guy. But seriously, if that hadn't have happened, I probably would have wasted a lot more time, and put a lot more than a few days and some kisses into something that would have eventually blown over. I've just come to appreciate the few good things I see in people, or the few good days I spend with them.

I felt like the cuntiest cunt cunt ever when I was wondering about some boy calling, and then one of my best friends called me to tell me she had undergone surgery for cancer. I spent the whole weekend with one of my favorite people in the world, and I love her....and I prayed for the first time in years that she would be ok.

I have also realized that in a lot of cases, my need to drink continuously arises from a new found social anxiety. If I don't drink, I find people to be obnoxious, and unintelligent, and immature. I do not have to drink to condescend. I am just limiting my surroundings to a higher caliber of people. I've enough of those in my life, and it shouldn't be hard.

I have not been drinking lately.

I am trying as hard as possible to quit smoking

my vag is most definately taking a break.....consequently so will my desire to date.

I am finishing at least 7 books this summer (bring me suggestions if you love me)

I am riding my bike every day, because I love it, and it makes me happy to feel the breeze.

I am attending my childhood loves wedding in a week.

I am getting out of debt.

I am beginning to sound like a fucking self help novel. I assure you that the cynicism is not gone...merely repressed by my intense love for all of my surroundings right now.

post script. I am going to be an aunt again on saturday!!!

Also, Jake.....
Know that you are fucking amazing! I still love you and will always love you.
My home is with you in Vancouver, whether you leave our place or not.
May. 15th, 2005 @ 11:15 pm

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» beautiful day

today is fucking beautiful. My muscles are still sore from moving all my shit all day yesterday. After almost an entire day of moving all my shit alone, jess pulled together a truck, and we got my futon/bed to my sisters house.

today I saw pierre, it's been a while, it's weird how much our friendship has changed. it's good to see he's getting responsible though. He's going to be a daddy, which is fucking freaking me out. On another note, I'm gettting tattood on Monday.

I read Machiavelli as I sat on the grass in sugarhouse park in the sun. Fucking beautiful

I also got a new dresser for the house that I don't have yet. Yay!

-J
Mar. 11th, 2005 @ 05:21 pm

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» I should be moving right now...
I decided I'm not going to go to the downtown DI anymore without male company. more on that later though, jess just called me, and she's gonna help me move now -J Mar. 10th, 2005 @ 02:13 pm (Leave a comment)

» (No Subject)
To the first boy to make me cry in almost a year.... FUCK YOU! Mar. 8th, 2005 @ 05:18 pm (4 comments \| Leave a comment)

» (No Subject)

Last night was the first night I was completely content sleeping alone since the big break up. I've been happy alone for quite some time, that's why I've gone 9 months without a boyfriend. But last night, not only was I satisfied, I was excited I was alone. Fucking awesome!

I went to the W lounge with christopher last night, it's a weird vibe. Although I love dancing, and clearly am a natural (I beat christopher agian at dance off '05 round 2). It just feels like it's a distant part of my life. I like going every once in a while, but it kind of feels like it's time to move on from all the A51's and w lounges. Hopefully this means I'm moving on from alcoholism too.....perhaps even getting a job....let's not get too far ahead of ourselves though.
Mar. 3rd, 2005 @ 11:37 am

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» (No Subject)

I wanted to write about what an amazing weekend I had....and how much I appreciated everyone around me, because as much as I pretend to be independant....I rely quite a bit on the people around me. However, for some reason I'm in an insanely insightful, and self depricating mood. Imagine that.

I'm not quite sure what brought this whole mood on. I don't think that the awkward "what the fuck" morning I had hurt, but I can't blame it all on that. I think all of this thinking has been a long time coming. I've decided quite a few things about myself that I either have avoided vocalizing, or prolonged realizing.
I've decided I'm a bit bi polar.
that I fall in love almost as quickly as I fall out of it. (neither being positive)
that my readiness to forgive leaves me vulnerable, and allows those that have the most ability to hurt me the opportunity to do so.
that I am too much of an opportunist, I've never been the type to take advantage of people, or even accept niceties or handouts. I have too much pride. for some reason this doesn't exist currently, and I feel guilty, and undeserving.
that I have become everything I hate
that I miss my ex immensely
that I've hurt the people I care about the most in this world (pertains also to above)
that my cynicism is excessive, and hurts the people that I care about the most.
for example. Tory, whom I adore, gets made fun of a lot. I always thought that was just our relationship, that we made fun of each other a lot, and I appreciated our ability to verbally beat the shit out of each other. I find candor refreshing until I'm on the receiving end. I guess my humor is something I never realized was painful to others. I don't think he's been vocal about me hurting his feelings or anything, but I don't think he realizes how much I appreciate him, and the extent to which I care about him. I think it's the same with a lot of friends. It's ironic that I will do anything to keep my friends from getting hurt, except edit my fucking mouth, and attempt to delete this element of my personality from my life.

as shitty as this all sounds, I think also, that I'm generally a really fucking good person. I would do a lot for my friends, and I just need to find ways of letting them know this. Typically, I'm totally fucking optimistic, and I'm a sweetheart once I put down my shields. I've been hurt a lot in my life, but I think I've done a pretty decent job of bouncing back, and not letting this affect my potential relationships. I enjoy my company, even if no one else does, and my morals and beliefs are personal, and not related to any pre-determined belief system that makes little or no sense, and in a lot of cases are only followed in a disingenuous manner, so as to adapt to encompassing culture.

I attribute this neurosis to the following things...
I don't deal well with loss. Lindsay was the first traumatic loss, I haven't yet, and will never get over loosing her. It seems though, that her passing was almost easier to deal with, because I have somewhere to aim my pain. I can go to her grave, and cry for her, and i can't blame her for us not being together anymore.
since then, I've lost so many close friends, I've been shit on by people that I've done everything to my ability for. I've been brushed off, and ignored, and dropped by people that I've come to rely on. I don't understand a person's ability to dispose of friendships, and I can't fathom being able to do that myself. These are apart from the typical "grown apart" friendships. In summary, I feel abandoned, and alone.

I have no fucking job! As a virgo, my existence is basically in a couple aspects of existing. It is in being somebody...and having goals, and knowing that I am constantly working toward something and someone I want. I pride myself in taking care of people, and although I am content with being alone, I am never as good as when I have someone to be better for. Although I'm going to school, I'm not working toward any other school, directly....I just feel like I'm being kind of worthless. I'm kind of like a mother who has taken care of children and stayed home all her life, and then the last one goes off to college, and she doesn't quite know what to do with herself. I'm used to taking care of others, and them needing me. I'm not used to taking care of myself, this is a last priority.

also, i've beat the shit out of my body. i dont sleep, I drink all the fucking time, and i've begun smoking profusely. I stopped going to the gym.....blah blah blah. i think I'm just worn out.

I'm out of money, and I have no desire to go out and look for a job, and no energy to work.

I don't understand why kharma isn't working in my favor, and it perplexes me.

I don't understand why people can't just fucking say what they mean.

I hate drama!

random thoughts......

I'm going to the gym. theres no reason for me to be in this fucking slump.

post script.

I heart patti, and jess, and my new friend christoper.
and lots of other people, but these bitches have put up with me today.
Feb. 28th, 2005 @ 05:43 pm

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» MY BIRTHDAY'S IN EXACTLY ONE WEEK BITCH!!!

My weekend was fucking awesome! I'm pretty sure, however that my short term memory has been affected drastically by my alcohol consumption, because I always remember what I did the night before....but a few days later I forget.

Friday I went to lunch with holly, and Chris and Barb tucker....Greek food was soo good. I watched Jake while Holly got the psychic reading that chris bought her for her b-day. I guess the lady told holly a lot about me, which was weird. I'm pretty sure holly was upset that the lady was taking up Holly's time to talk about me too. hehe. The lady said that I was a very powerful person, and that I'd had a lot of power in my previous lives as well. I've been really dissapointed lately, because for some reason I have a huge burden on my shoulders, but I haven't been able to pinpoint where it comes from. I know some crappy things has happened, but I feel like I've been able to deal with those things because I could target them. There's something else. The Psychic told holly that some of the issues I'm dealing with are issues from past lives, so it's reassuring to know that there is a reason I'm feeling this way. I guess Chris is going to pay for me to see her for my birthday now. that'll definately be interesting. While I watched jake, we went and played with my lawyer friend adam's puppy. It was the cutest thing ever...it was the perfect sized dog to wrestle and play with jake....he played and laughed for a couple hours, and then we went and got ice cream.
Suzie and I then went to greek festival with Chris Tucker and Matt. Fucking awesome other than the lamb heads that were on all the tables. they're not so cute when they're skinned. We were able to avoid the greasy greek men hitting on us because we were with chris and matt. (thank god for gay friends). I gorged myself....
pretty sure I drank somewhere after that...with my Johnna

Saturday was nice...I slept super late, had a lazy day.....I think around 4 I came around and decided to go out for a little while...I hung out with Travis. i've been having a lot of fun with him lately. We snuck into great harvest where he'd saved me some cookies in his employee locker. I love going there after hours!
then it was time for the craziness.
started getting ready for the thug party with johnna.
my costume consisted of.....
low riding shiny adidas track pants
boy panties hanging out
white wife beater
black bra
black eye
ghetto ass makeup (black lipliner included)
white bandana
unfortunately I'm kind of a hot thug....
we crashed a scenester party with a bunch of us all thugged out for shits and giggles....
steve was there, he got pissed about my black eye thinking it was real. It's good to know
friends still care when they don't call or anything though, so that's rad.
Johnna and I stumbled home around 3....
at a nearby house I heard trance music and lisps and decided we should knock on the door.
IT WAS A GAY ECSTACY TRANCE PARTY!!!
man, gay men embrace and adore women in a way that no hetero will ever understand...it was GLORIOUS!!!
After a little while there...( i think I was like 4 suckers into the night) we decided to head back to Johnnas to drink some more. My new favorite friend ( a flamboyant male model to say the least) adam decided to come back with us. we had a few more drinks, and then when I was sure that it was the most I'd be able to keep drinking before my whole body stopped working, adam and I left. I guess I passed out.
after 2 hours of sleep, work sucked on sunday, we were actually kind of busy, which is kind of unusual.
Anyway after work..I met sara jane. She's a friend of lindsays, and we decided that we'd have tea and talk about her.
Sara Jane is the new light in my life!!! It was fucking awesome talking to her, and feeling the connectedness.
You will definately be hearing more about her, because I have a crush!!! I think I'm too tired to keep writing now....but I'm sure you'll hear more later
au revoir
Sep. 13th, 2004 @ 05:07 pm

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» (No Subject)

bored at work....I don't think I'm as strong as I used to be.
Sarde called me today, it made my day. I haven't talked to anyone from saskatoon for a long time...including Ryan. I think that's better for everyone though...even though I miss alex like fucking crazy!!!
My birthday is coming up, I'm pretty sure it won't be that big of a deal this year, but I'm trying to decide if i should attempt to make it be...I dunno
I really don't have that much to say right now.....I just wanted to stay in the habit
-j
Sep. 8th, 2004 @ 06:33 pm

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» (No Subject)

my assumption was correct, the cure ruled my world. The most unexpected part, however was that I was more entertained by the 30 something ambiguously gay male in front of us. The genius of this male was to seduce amber and I through his love of song and dance. Using such techniques as tapping his wrists when robert smith sang "waiting." and clawing the air so as to display his prowess during "lovecats" fucking amazing. I offered a stranger $5 to catch an action shot and send it to me, so hopefully that comes to the journal soon.
I saw a couple ex boyfriends there...that's always kind of disheartening. I'm sure to anyone else it's unfathomable how I could fuck up sooo many relationships. well, it is to me too. It's weird because I'm dating a lot, and nothing is really sticking out for me. I'm busier socially than I've ever been before in my life...it's weird that I still manage to feel alone. Perhaps I just need to meet someone different, and stop leading people on just because I don't want to be rude, or alone.
Aug. 19th, 2004 @ 11:56 am

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» (No Subject)

well...I'll make a run at consistantly updating my journal again. Things will be much easier when I have my brane new mac powerbook that is worth at least $1600 more than I am.
Not much has changed. Another failed relationship, another problem with alcohol. My life is like a stack of amazing novels. Each year begins with sadness, but then something happens that yields to adventures, and romance, and happiness. The problem is, this novel is circular. Always ending in the same fucking place it begins. I miss my lindsay! I miss my baby alexander! fuck whoever took these two away from me! I've fortunately recovered from the monster I became in the saskatoon days. Only fake Jebus knows what happened there. Despite the ambiance I've layed out, I'm pretty optimistic about my depression. I giggle more than I cry. I have the most amazing roommate ever, and no, we are not dating to those that speculate, although he does take care of me when I'm ill, which makes me smile.
I need to stop dating boys that are not worth my time.
I need to start singing again (and no, drunken kareoke does not count).
I need to read as much as possible.
I need to conquer my fear of dental work ( I have a feeling nitrous will assist)
I need all of you to realize how much you mean to me.
I will accomplish all of these things because I am amazing!

the cure is going to make me cream my panties! 8-18-04
Aug. 13th, 2004 @ 04:30 pm

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things are very surreal for me right now... When I'm not thinking about things, or I'm drunk, I'm happy. I know this is a very dangerous place to be, because seriously, I think about things and I just want them to be resolved, but there are no steps I can take to resolve them. Every source of happiness for me dies, or leaves me. I've been sick all week now, the most nausiating painful sickness I could have ever imagined. I guess I'm kind of in a bleak mood
Mar. 22nd, 2004 @ 03:46 pm

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